Baby bomb #1

You know how at some point in your life, you look around with wonder and "this is not my beautiful life, this is not my beautiful wife" swishes between your ears. This is my theme song right now. Not to sound cliche, but I had planned it all so differently. Actually I'm not sure I planned much. Falling in love with a woman and trying to get pregnant at 38; those two biggies were not in the plan.

So here I am. A straight woman in a gay relationship. Before you gasp or shake your head, I will do it for you. I don't have any explanation, and I'm convinced I don't need any. My sister has always respected "my ability to exercise my choice". I want to think she means,  I'm not limited by conventions. However she would explain it as my lack of identity. She's not be the only one; bisexuality makes people crazy, even here is sunny San Francisco.

The bay area is my home. I've lived everywhere between Santa Rosa to San Jose. A friend of mine calls native bay area girls, B.A.G.s. I embrace this title.  My sister doesn't get it; she also vacations to Disneyland twice a year. Luckily my brother and his wife have sworn to stay away from Disneyland (though not all things Disney). They are going to have a baby in May. My sister told my partner she knew I would want a baby once my brother and his wife got pregnant. Maybe she's right, who cares. I do know this last Christmas a bomb went off inside me.

I was laying on the bed at my partner's parents house and I felt my heart drop into my belly. The message was clear: I have to have a baby! Move out of my way, I'm gonna have a baby! It was that clear. On the drive home I told my partner I was starting the process to get pregnant.

I got home and went right to the sperm banks online. What a rush.